stupid or what part 2

well here i am again speaking to myself erm..guess i should say typing cause im not speaking really. anyway, im not making these entries once again after having a break for a long time because i missed blogging. i just need something to pour my thoughts on. im not a good writer but i sure wish i was. :(

as i was viewing comments on friendster i realized just at that moment tomorrows gonna be friday and well since it happened yesterday, todays friday! grabe i thought magwewendesda pa lang! after feeling so down last night, i felt pretty much better now after i played 75 games of tong its while listening to my favorite songs and watched friends the entire afternoon, i just started at season4 and now im already in the fifth season. iba talaga nagagawa ng nakakabatong araw. grabe rin ang bilis lumipas ng oras or is it just because i usually wake up11-ish? haha ayun na nga. just as i thought problems are gonna get worse, a miracle happened and i thank god for it! my mom told me we have to surrender the car we havent had paid for like in several months na or face the legal consequences. syempre its better to surrender nlng no. pero we can get it back naman after we made the necessary payments etc. i really hate it when moneys the problem. anyway, the good news was we already found a buyer that would help us alleviate from our mini financial problem. i love god because hes just so great, even though i still have no ojt. im sure hes waiting for the right company for me. time flies so fast. haaaaay. i apologize for any grammatical errors ive committed. i used to be good in correcting grammar but then i guess that 'talent' subsided. pffft. wala na ata akong bagay na magaling gawin. sa eco, tanga. kung hindi lang tlga pera ang problema, siguro ng cca ako. i always dreamed of becoming a chef someday. pero sbe ko il just pursue that career after ive earned enough money to get to a school like that.

well thats it for today 'myself'! i think i should do this more often lalo na pag sobrang daming laman ng asa utak ko kasi mas nagiging maayos ang pagiisip ko. nagiging clear ang atmosphere sa aking ulo.

stupid or what?

why am i like this lately? is this the effect of my pms? (post mentrual period) well im not really done but im getting there. pota i really cant say exactly whats going on my mind lately. gusto ko lang magsulat ngayon para may mapagbabaliktanawan ako in the future kasi nde nako nakakasulat sa aking planner like two months na! gaaaawwd. nde naman ako busy tamad lang. well id like to believe that or theres a problem with me regarding how i manage my time? ewan. ngayon nde ko tlga maexplain kung anong nasa utak ko. parang may ipo-ipo na tinatangay ang mga bagay2. nakita mo ang epekto ng nangyayari skn. napa blog tuloy ako. its not that i missed blogging, pero kakaiba tlg to dahil bigla kong naisip magganito. pffft. feeling ko napakauseless ko, inutil, bobo, mangmang, tanga, at iba pa. hindi ko alam kung anong gusto kong gawin sa buhay ngayon. naguguluhan ako. im really bored right now. so bored that i forgot to take a shower and its past 2 in the morning already. but i will later. haaaay. wish i could stop this but i cant. its hard for me not to think about things. brrr!

i will be organized with this and will enumerate them so i could reflect nrn

-this is related to my course. its not that im not interested with economics. its just that i dont know (see?ang gulo ko!) kung naiintindihan ko ba ang concept ng economics and other things related dito. 2 weeks ago, i went with my classmate para magapply ng ojt. ayy she was interview ed na pala that day and then she kept mentioning opportuniy cost. by its word, okie naiintindihan ko pero if you would make me explain it, mahihirapan ako for sure. kahit ako nagseself test. sinasabi ko sa sarili ko " sige nga! explain mo. o ano yun?" shit. di ko maexplain. i dont know if im stupid or what? id like to believe im just lazy because wala ngang taong bobo. i became interested sa eco nung first year pa lang i got fair grades but i dont wanna stop there. before pa lang ng pasukan, dialogue ko na ang "mag-DDL ako theresian ako. kaya ko to! sisiw lang yan!" ang yabang ko pa. grades arrived, hello three! sbe ko okie lang yun at least pumasa di katulad ng mga ibang nadebarred kong blockmates. i was thankful then pero kinda disappointed with myself. nasabi ko nlng at least pumasa! hanep sa alibi kimberley! way to go! come 2nd year and then third year hanggang sa naging motto ko na eventually, basta pumasa ayos na.. i never aimed higher although ive tried. but i think its not enough para maging DL ako. pffft!

-second, this is kinda related to the first. wala pa rin akong ojt. im really thankful dahil karamihan ng companies hindi humihingi ng credentials, kung nagkataon patay tayo jan! nde nako magtataka kung bakit ako nde pa tinatawagan. pero ngayon why?ni isa sa mga gusto ko walang tumawag? nde kaya matagal pa sila magrerecruit para dun? haaayy. well tinawagan ako ng aim business school and i have to turn it down kasi ayaw ng nanay at kuya ko.well nagiging practical nga lang sila. pero gustuhin ko man tutol sila. kung maeron man akong ipupursue at nde ako suportado ng pamilya ko mabuti ng wag na lang. tutal were also having financial problems. not that wala na kaming pera pero may pinaglalaanang mas importante pa. salang sala tlga rito ang gastos. gustuhin ko man umalis kasama ang mng yudis, or blockmates ko sa kung san man at magpakarelax2 ay mahirap gawin. kailangan mo pa atang dumaan sa screening process bago ka makahingi e. pero minsan para lang makasama ko sila ay hanggang pang pamasahe lang ang kaya ng bulsa ko...

to be continued..

right now...?